Tuesday, May 05, 2009

One Foot Then The Other

The last couple of weeks have been very difficult for me. I have demon (Don't worry not a real one) that creeps up on me and pounces. It has a name its called worry. I know all the right things to say but its a huge weakness for me.

It can plunge me into a dark hole that consumes my existence. I need to grow, I want to grow but honestly its tough.

I read this written by Ragamuffin Soul today that helped me and reminded me even in the middle of my worry I still have choices.
"I have been struggling the last week with some nasty anxiety.
Not like the kind you feel before a test.
More like the kind you feel if you’ve skipped your last 5 20mg’s of Paxil.
It is a thorn that I have been given that I will always have respect for.
And a thorn that I will always try and make my female pooch.
It comes in waves.
What normally happens is a few days of intense anxiety will turn into a few days of intense depression.
In the midst of this nastiness I get to continue living.
I get to continue working.
I get to continue fathering.
I get to continue husbanding.
I get to continue smiling.
I get to continue serving.
I get to continue pastoring.

So here’s the deal.
Today, or tonight, whenever the crap you are reading this,
You get to decide too.
And I’m telling you, as much as it sucks imagining working past whatever hell hole you are in,
It sucks a lot more giving into it.
Just some words of encouragement I wrote to myself that I figured someone might need to hear too."

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